When sisterhood hurts

At the charity bazzar a sister approached me , who i met 7 years ago when she first arrived to the UK as a new bride , alone, confused and lonely. For the sake of allah i really went out of my way to befriend this sister and offer her sisterhood for the sake of Allah. Such a kind and special sister mashaAllah. She asked me at the bazzar why we were not intouch , i told her if you looked for me , you would have found me. I made every effort to ensure sisters had my contact details, so thoses that bother would have found me! The sister didn't like to hear this, i told her i was totally disamayed with the sisterhood i shared once i made hijrah. When i was in need of my sisters i found not one and this hurt me. MashaAllah the sister appoligied and asked me to forgive her. The sister wants sisterhood and we exchanged numbers. Sometimes you have to take a stance, ok as muslimahs we are encouraged to do good , forgive, and forget but Allah does not tell me lay onthe floor and let sisters trample over me, even i have standards. So i plan to be more assertie and make my feeling heard. Some may think i am wrong but i am sick of turning the other cheek and letting others mess with my emotions, when all i want is love for the sake of Allah.

A Day AT A Time

Since my return to the UK i decided , I was here to benifit my deen and use the wealth of resources the UK has for Muslims mashaAllah, namely get on top of my Quran recitation and morisation inshaAllah.. This is one of the few blessings i can still apprechaite in the UK. I decided not to fall into my old ways, benifit my family more and spend my time with them more. Not to out do my health by getting involved in a hectic socail life (as in the past). To keep it real, to take it a day at a time. Work through/towards one issue and then tackle the next. To take in hand the here and now and lay the ground for whats to come. HEALTH for all the family is on the ajenda.

forgot to mention....

Why the cooking spout ? my DS had his op today , just a day case but i was so worried for him i ended up doing a cooking frenzy in a few hours alhamduilah helped to take my mind of things a little and treat loved ones mashaAllah. the chicken soup was for him especially. He is OK being pampered by 3 women of the house, who would complain to that. He has been sleeping most of the day and eating chocolate.

Rais (rais tunis)

You will need coarse semolina,soften butter, stoned dates and small amount of chopped nuts of your choice, I used walnuts. This is a north African recipe for Rais.


500 gramm (2 cups) of semolina not the flour one
500 gramms of date paste needs to be sticky when mixed in with other ingredents so it will bind, if the dates are dry just steam them in a couscousier type steamer.
150 gramms of butter (I take 200)

Fry semolina on pan without oil untill it is golden. Make butter soft (I use microwave). Put everything together and here you go And then the most creative part - making different shapes out it

mange tout et les carrots

I used a little olive oil and sauteed some minced garlic & ginger, salt , pepper and a little sprinkle of canyne pepper. Stir fried this all with the carrots that i had previously steamed and chopped and the mange tout, a delightful side dish.


Warm Salad

New potatoes, boiled eggs, red onions, sprig of mint and some parsley, black olives dress with any dressing of your choice.

Can be eaten cold but i like mine slightly warm.


Quick Chicken Soup with homemade croutons
1 onion, carrots plenty of fresh coriander, generous cut of butter,1 small potato,1 veg stock cube.
Put it all in a pan and add boiling water and then add previously steamed boneless chicken.
Once veg is done blend it with the hand blender.
Toast some bread on a high setting in the toaster.
Remove from toaster and cut in to small squares.

Charity Bazzar

After swiming we went to see an old friend who had invited me to gain some reward for my own hereafter by part taking in sadaqah jarriyah (on going charity), well we arrived on time and i ended up helping, serving the food. Was a lovely day and nice to meet up with the sisters again mashaAllah a lovely set of sisters , may allah grant them hightest paridse ameen. i didn't buy much apart from the food, yum buriyani and spanish pasta salad. I did find this rather nice plate for 50p, i was going to use it as a tea bag plate but decided to hand it instead.


The event was held in the sisters home, her noble effort is so inspiring mashaAllah.

Swiming for Muslim Women& Girls

I took the girls swiming , as they need to learn and need sports in their lives. it was a one hour session cost £3 , its in a pool in a school hired out on a sunday to the muslims who run sessions for sisters and brothers on sunday mornings. I didn't swim but had a look and may go next week depending on how i feel as i need to learn too. They have a female life guard on hand and she is great to help you out to learn to swim. i met a sister there who was also sitting out the session and she said if i came next week with a float she will teach me to swim, so i can't complain now can I? The women wear leggins and long tee shirts, best adviced to wear a coustume under the teeshirt so that it won't cling when wet.



here are some items belonging to my dd 6yrs old, we decided to get her a ring to so that way noone needs to watch her all the time, she loves it, dd 14yrs old loved it but said it would be more fun if you can swim , she needs to get learning.

Coming back but feeling different

Yesterday I went to a community bazaar and caught up with a lot of the old circle of sisters, mash Allah lovely sisters. I did note that life has remained the same.

I was speaking to sister S about my own spiritual development after hijrah I realized soon after being in Algeria alone for so long and only depending upon my lord for my daily nourishment of faith and battling shatan every step of the way, my faith entered another level Alhamdulillah, a new spiritual high that can only be attained after hardship and dependence upon Allah. I feel looking back on my life in the UK it is a life of dependence upon society and materialism, before you all start, I am talking about my own experience and things the way I felt them. We have this net work of sisters and weekly halaqh's, events we are involved in, things that’s are good, of course they are but soon we take on more and more, the DH is out of the home almost 24/7, kids are in bed before he gets in and sometimes gone off for the day before he gets up, having to make appointments to see his own kids. The sisterhood is great in the UK mash Allah very diverse but as I came to learn a very superficial one, not all some as there are so many wonderful sisters out there and who really do care. We live in this self created Islamic bubble we create for ourselves in the UK, the choices, materialism and access hinders our real relationship with our lord, we are missing tranquility, our hearts are diseases with love for comfort. I often remind myself ''if I don't have hardships, how will I come closer to Allah?'

I was talking to a sister and she was telling me she was so stressed, with the daily grind and life. I asked her if she had food on her table, she said yes, did her roof leak water. She said no, is her health in tack? She said yes. I them told her so what is the stress that is making you so ill? She told me her job, her routine and her wealth, so basically her blessings subhan Allah. I advised her is an illusion of the word stress, put the same energy into your salat and dikr, reaffirm your faith and correct you salat and wudu. I don't know if you can relate to what I am saying but we are all caught up in this in gratitude, when was the last time we thanked our lord , do we do it as often as we moan? We need to self look within ourselves and return to the basics to have faith cost nothing, to have emaan cost nothing to maintain it cost scarifies. Allah guide us all ameen.

Destiny & choices

Therefore, the Prophet (PBUH) used to tell his Companions: "Renew your faith." He was asked, "O Messenger of Allah, how do we renew our faith?" He said, "By frequently repeating la ilaha ill-Allah."

It's been a while since I have been able to blog peacefully due to moving and PC and not to mention the kids hogging the PC, I can't even hear myself think let alone type a meaning full post. Today up early and hopefully shall be able to knock my thoughts out to share. Now going and the build up to coming didn’t want to return to the UK despite all the home sickness, the only think that influenced my decision was the fact that my DH is here so I came Alhamdulillah. Now this has been the hardest transitions back to the UK, I just hate coming here and reclaiming my old life, maybe that's the problem? I have a new life now, a new home, a new social network, a new way of living, yes it was hard at first but I got used to it now and made a life for us Alhamdulillah, mash Allah, TabbarakAllah.

Being together has been a key factor in my return, to be honest I don't want to be alone anymore and the kids without a father and the DH without a wife. So that's a common factor, I know any future decisions I make now will be about being together as a family Insha’Allah.

Thing is we plan but Allah has already planned ahead of us for He is the best of planners. Dreams, aspirations, visions and hopes we have can materialize but we need to work towards them. Living this life as a mum of 3 kids one a teen mash Allah Alhamdulillah I can tell you life does not get easier , mothering does not get easier subhan Allah how I worry about the kids and grey in the process more than when they was babies. Mothering at this stage is harder you have to exercise the mind and reasoning more subhanAllah, not like when there young, feed and clean and rock to sleep, although at the time we moaning but really theses are blissful years. I am not complaining not by far just sharing and reminding. all my life plans are now shaped around the future of my kids, so there are directions I want to go in but can not and maybe will never due to their well being. Being a mother is all about sacrifices, for her kids, her DH and family women in Islam gain lot of reward by simply being a mother.

Strawberies & Orange Blossom Water

A new way to enjoy strawberries, a little suger and a little orange blossom water mix well cool in fridge and enjoy. A pleasant refreshing treat!

Walnut Biscuits

6 1/2 oz of softened butter
1/2 cup of sugar
2 table spoons of Orange blossom water
2 cups of plain flour
Walnut filling

1/2 cup of walnuts chopped
1/4 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon
Set oven to gas mark 3 , brush a flat tray with butter. Beat sugar and butter until light and creamy. add orange water and flour, combined well. Press with your hands until the mixture comes together and them roll into small golf balls, press centres down with thumb and put into the pressed area some walnut filling and bake for 15-20mins, allow to cool before removing from tray.

Snails& Snacks

In between two rounds of shopping trips i prepared some snacks to keep the family going. first one is called 'snails' i am sure this is due to the shape, just mix up a plain flour, brown flour equal amounts, yeast, salt, sugar and warm water to mix. Leave to rise. i has some left over minced beef and spinach curry fom the previous evening. i rolled out the dough into a rectangles shape , spread it with the curry , grated some cheese rolled it all up like a Swiss roll and baked it at gas mark 5 for about 20Min's and this is what i had

I can't belive this happened to me!

I forgot it was Friday yesterday and therefore missed out on all the blessing of yaum al jummah. It dawned on me about 11pm and that was only coz i switched to the Islam Chanel and saw surah al kaf being recited, i felt grieved, felt robbed, how did this happen, how did i let this happen? My 8Th day in the UK and this, i feel gutted. I know i was pre occupied with other stuff but to let yaum al jummah slip by?

Feeling aloof

Wish i could say my mood was like this but its a much more but i am going to put it right just ajusting, re-organising myself and my life for the better inshaAllah. To be honest i am missing Algeria and my life there , can't win can I , problem is we want it all , but can't have it!

Delightful Tagine Find

I found this great tagine pot in Algeria and its way better than my Moroccan one mashaAllah and just for 1900da well after a haggle!

Reunited Again

I am back alhamduilah back again again back, after much debating and not wanting to initially return alhamduillah i am glad i did , mainly to be a family and be amongst family and loved ones. I got back Friday evening a lil early than planned but again less than 24hrs and i wanted to return to sunny Algeria hummm. Weather here is chilly but the sun is out , we have been ajusting to the drop in temperature last few days. I went food shop yesterday subhan Allah inflation has hit hard and prices are certainly up in the UK all around. I went out this morning for a drive in the Essex countryside I certainly missed all these lovely shades of greenery, due to the balance of climate in the UK mashaAllah the land is able to put out shades of green and nature of warmer climes don't have. Just taking it slow organising my home and life for the next 3 months or so inshaAllah.

Off Line For A While

I will be offically going off line for the next 10days or so as i disconect from my Algerian dial up connection server LACOM alhamduilah. I am due to travel inshaAllah to the UK in about 7 days. so will catch up with you once there. Takecare all.

Crying For A Loved One Close To Your Heart

Then read this and thank Allah subhanAlla we think we got it bad , also there are others who's dh's are behind bars, in other lands to their own, not knowing their fate, Allah Al Must'aan.

This one is a woman so close to my own heart and situation but i can never compare but i just feel so INSPIRED by her story , her tears and her reward subhanAllah,

Umm Salamah! What an eventful life she had! Her real name was
Hind. She was the daughter of one of the notables in the Makhzum
clan nicknamed "Zad ar-Rakib" because he was well known for his
generosity partlcularly to travellers. Umm Salamah's husband was
Abdullah ibn Abdulasad and they both were among the first
persons to accept Islam. Only Abu Bakr and a few others, who
could be counted on the fingers of one hand, became Muslims
before them.

As soon as the news of their becoming Muslims spread, the
Quraysh reacted with frenzied anger. They began hounding and
persecuting Umm Salamah and her husband. But the couple did not
waver or despair and remained steadfast in their new faith.

The persecution became more and more intense. Life in Makkah
became unbearable for many of the new Muslims. The Prophet,
peace be upon him, then gave permission for them to emigrate to
Abyssinia. Umm Salamah and her husband were in the forefront of
these muhajirun, seekers of refuge in a strange land. For Umm
Salamah it meant abandoning her spacious home and giving up the
traditional ties of lineage and honour for something newhope in
the pleasure and reward of Allah.

Despite the protection Umm Salamah and her companions received
from the Abyssinian ruler, the desire to return to Makkah, to be
near the Prophet and the source of relevation and guidance
persisted.

News eventually reached the muhajErun that the number of Muslims
in Makkah had increased. Among them were Hamzah ibn
Abdulmuttalib and Umar ibn al-Khattab. Their faith had greatly
strengthened the community and the Quraysh they heard, had eased
the persecution somewhat. Thus a group of the muhajErun, urged
on by a deep longing in their hearts, decided to return to
Makkah.

The easing of the persecution was but brief as the returnees
soon found out. The dramatic increase in the number of Muslims
following the acceptance of Islam by Hamzah and Umar only
infuriated the Quraysh even more. They intensified their
persecution and torture to a pitch and intensity not known
before. So the Prophet gave permission to his companions to
emigrate to Madinah. Umm Salamah and her husband were among the
first to leave.

The hijrah of Umm Salamah and her husband though was not as easy
as they had imagined. In fact, it was a bitter and painful
experience and a particularly harrowing one for her.

Let us leave the story now for Umm Salamah herself to tell . .
.

When Abu Salamah (my husband) decided to leave for Madinah, he
prepared a camel for me, hoisted me on it and placed our son
Salamah on my lap. My husband then took the lead and went on
without stopping or waiting for anything. Before we were out of
Makkah however some men from my clan stopped us and said to my
husband:

"Though you are free to do what you like with yourself, you have
no power over your wife. She is our daughter. Do you expect us
to allow you to take her away from us?"

They then pounced on him and snatched me away from him. My
husband's clan, Banu Abdulasad, saw them taking both me and my
child. They became hot with rage.

"No! By Allah," they shouted, "we shall not abandon the boy. He
is our son and we have a first claim over him."

They took him by the hand and pulled him away from me. Suddenly
in the space of a few moments, I found myself alone and lonely.
My husband headed for Madinah by himself and his clan had
snatched my son away from me. My own clan, Banu Makhzum,
overpowered me and forced me to stay with them.

From the day when my husband and my son were separated from me,
I went out at
noon every day to that valley and sat at the spot where this
tragedy occurred. I would recall those terrible moments and
weep until night fell on me.

I continued like this for a year or so until one day a man from
the Banu Umayyah passed by and saw my condition. He went back to
my clan and said:

"Why don't you free this poor woman? You have caused her husband
and her son to be taken away from her."

He went on trying to soften their hearts and play on their
emotions. At last they said to me, "Go and join your husband if
you wish."

But how could I join my husband in Madinah and leave my son, a
piece of my own flesh and blood, in Makkah among the Banu
Abdulasad? How could I be free from anguish and my eyes be free
from tears were I to reach the place of hijrah not knowing
anything of my little son left behind in Makkah?

Some realised what I was going through and their hearts went out
to me. They petitioned the Banu Abdulasad on my behalf and moved
them to return my son.

I did not now even want to linger in Makkah till I found someone
to travel with me and I was afraid that something might happen
that would delay or prevent me from reaching my husband. So I
promptly got my camel ready, placed my son on my lap and left in
the direction of Madinah.

I had just about reached Tan'im (about three miles from Makkah)
when I met Uthman ibn Talhah. (He was a keeper of the Ka'bah in
preIslamic times and was not yet a Muslim.)

"Where are you going, Bint Zad ar-Rakib?" he asked.

"I am going to my husband in Madinah."

"And there isn't anyone with you?"

"No, by Allah. Except Allah and my little boy here."

"By Allah, I shall never abandon you until you reach Madinah,"
he vowed.

He then took the reins of my camel and led us on. I have, by
Allah, never met an Arab more generous and noble than he. When
we reached a resting place, he would make my camel kneel down,
wait until I dismounted, lead the camel to a tree and tether it.
He would then go to the shade of another tree. When we had
rested he would get the camel ready and lead us on.

This he did every day until we reached Madinah. When we got to a
village near Quba (about two miles from Madinah) belonging to
Banu Amr ibn Awf, he said, "Your husband is in this village.
Enter it with the blessings of God. "

He turned back and headed for Makkah.

Their roads finally met after the long separation. Umm Salamah
was overjoyed to see her husband and he was delighted to see his
wife and son.

Great and momentous events followed one after the other. There
was the battle of Badr in which Abu Salamah fought. The Muslims
returned victorious and strengthened. Then there was the battle
of Uhud in which the Muslims were sorely tested. Abu Salamah
came out of this wounded very badly. He appeared at first to
respond well to treatment, but his wounds never healed
completely and he remained bedridden.

Once while Umm Salamah was nursing him, he said to her:

"I heard the Messenger of God saying. Whenever a calamity
afflicts anyone he should say, "Surely from Allah we are and to
Him we shall certainly return." And he would pray, 'O Lord, give
me in return something good from it which only You, Exalted and
Mig hty, can give.'"

Abu Salamah remained sick in bed for several days. One morning
the Prophet came to see him. The visit was longer than usual.
While the Prophet was still at his bedside Abu Salamah passed
away. With his blessed hands, the Prophet closed the eyes of his
dead companion. He then raised these hands to the heavens and
prayed:

"O Lord, grant forgiveness to Abu Salamah. Elevate him among
those who are near to You. Take charge of his family at all
times. Forgive us and him, O Lord of the Worlds. Widen his grave
and make it light for him."

Umm Salamah remembered the prayer her husband had quoted on his
deathbed from the Prophet and began repeating it, "O Lord, with
you I leave this my plight for consideration . . ." But she
could not bring herself to continue . . . "O Lord give me
something good from it", because she kept asking herself, "Who
could be better than Abu Salamah?" But it did not take long
before she completed the supplication.

The Muslims were greatly saddened by the plight of Umm Salamah.
She became known as "Ayyin al-Arab" the one who had lost her
husband. She had no one in Madinah of her own except her small
children, like a hen without feathers.

Both the Muhajirun and Ansar felt they had a duty to Umm
Salamah. When she had completed the Iddah (three months and ten
days), Abu Bakr proposed marriage to her but she refused. Then
Umar asked to marry her but she also declined the proposal. The
Prophe t then approached her and she replied:

"O Messenger of Allah, I have three characteristics. I am a
woman who is extremely jealous and I am afraid that you will see
in me something that will anger you and cause Allah to punish
me. I am a woman who is already advanced in age and I am a woman
wh o has a young family."

The Prophet replied:

"Regarding the jealousy you mentioned, I pray to Allah the
Almighty to let it go away from you. Regarding the question of
age you have mentioned. I am afflicted with the same problem as
you. Regarding the dependent family you have mentioned, your
family is my family."

They were married and so it was that Allah answered the prayer
of Umm Salamah and gave her better than Abu Salamah. From that
day on Hind al Makhzumiyah was no longer the mother of Salamah
alone but became the mother of all believers, Umm al-Mu'mineen.

Alger la Blanche

Yesterday I went to up town Algers (Oxford St of Algeria i call it!), I made my way by bus and taxi and the weather was just lovely mashaAllah. The views amazing and i really enjoyed Algeria in all its glory yesterday mashaAllah dispite all my hardships and pain I feel I am really blessed to be given the chance to make hijrah for the sake of my Lord alone. Alhamduilah Algeria has benifited me , I used to say its the dh and the kids who are benifiting but not me but this is so wrong it is beniffitng me and changing me mashaAllah. For the better i hope, Algeria is very vibrant in so many ways and the total pits in others. Now I am faced with the option to return to the UK I don't want to subhanAllah. Allah test us in different ways and for different reasons alhamduillah. I just want to shout out alhamduilah for everything you have tested me with Allah otherwise how else would I be greatful!

Algeria really has been feeling like home these last few weeks, Algeria firstly is much better in the sun for sure, I have been getting out to the beach and ports, it made me realise as I had only cabin fever (four walls) to contend with for 3yrs due to certain circumstances but given the freedoms and ability life is what I imagned it to be these last weeks, before I came to Algeria to live I had a dream and I imagned life 'how it would be and how I wanted it to be' it took 3yrs but Allah showed me mashaAllah. I had a really nice last fews days in my dream life in Algeria and now I don't want to go back to the UK next week for the summer vacation subhanAllah can't win can I lol, all I know is I am grateful to Allah, for He hears my call when I call unto Him and he blesses us mashaAlllah.
Here are some cards i picked up yesterday
this my fav, as it really catches the mood of the Algeria i dreamed about subhanAllah, Rue D'Isly. I visisted these places yesterday.
I went for a Halal chesse burger at the QUICK which is located here.
The Port its amazing with all the ships and ferry's so vast and the sea a sheet of blue bliss.
The interior of the Mosque in the STATUE HADA area i am sure i spelt that wrong.
I went to the Port of 'La madrack' earlier in the week we had icecream , hagen daz eat your heart out! We went over to the docking area by some rocks and saw little tiny black crabs crawl up onto them, we saw horses along the sea front in thier full gallop, earlier the same day i went to 'sidi frej' we sat right by the sea front on deck chairs, it was very quiet and calm and i could hear the waves lapping and smell the sea air it was an amazing moment mashaAllah. My kids played with the waves, my DS played footie with someone on the beach, we had a flask of tea and cakes. A very relaxing eveing as we set off at 4pm and returned home before magrib mashaAllah.

Plate Of Art

My dd1 picked me up this as gifts from BAZETA, BEO. I thought it rather nice simple but effective and only for 50da

Driving Around

The morning started of with my son poking me to get out of bed, as i had made a mess of my tahjud and fajar salat, i think i were half asleep and misread the clock and ended up praying them both out of time slot subhanAllah. So I was alil worse for wear at 7am, in the end i crawled from the bed at 7.30am and we headed of to the school, once finished there myself and Prof K headed to the market to pick up a gift for the Aqiqah cermony we were invited to later that afternoon. After that we headed to the port and sea front of La Madrak, in Ain Benian as the car park was pretty empty i told prof K , move over i want to drive your left hand drive as i have never driven a left hand drive (in the UK we have right hand drives) , so for the first 2 gear changes my left hand was automacticilly headed towards the door and looking for the gear stick there after abit all was ok mashaAllah , alhamhuillah the pedals are the same. This was nice driving again after 2 1/2 years realising not all is forgotten and i am rusty on the reverse gear otherwise mashaAllah looks promising and it also made me determined to get a car inshaAllah a left hand drive soon Allah willing.

Lonely Hijrah (Evaluation Sofar)

I don’t think I ever got over the loneliness I encountered during the first 3 years as a muhajirah Allah Al Must’aan. Really this has been one of the downsides of my hijrah, the loneliness and lack of support. Mind you having said that year 3 has been the best in terms of seeing more people namely sisters ,making new friends too as I saw more this term than I did in the first two years . I also got out more this last year and felt more settled with the ability to shop and get food stuff. This last issue has to do with the mild winter and also a build up of new shopping facilities locally. Cooking has been more varied this year, is this due to becoming accustomed to the veg on offer and acquiring a taste for them? Or my oven being fixed? Offering me more variety of foods? This year seems to have zoomed by much faster than the other 2 subhanAllah but in my heart not fast enough. I am more settled than I ever was in Algeria and I have no intention to return to the UK to reclaim a life there and I ask Allah to aid my decision to say put. Having said that I ’ never say never ‘ rule one in my life, coz you never know when and where……if I was too return it would not be because I didn’t like it , it didn’t work for me , or I didn’t want to be here despite all my hardships. I know I made the right decision to come to Algeria in hindsight maybe would have most certainly preferred another country; I was more geared for the Middle East. Having lived here for 3 years now I don’t regret for a moment having come to Algeria. OK maybe not the place for you or me so it would seem but I have gained so much from this first emigration.
There is certain something that hijrah brings a blessing that I can’t explain because it’s spiritual. Just thinking had we gone else where just how hard it would have been without the local know how and support to help us establish a home ect. We have the know how here and its still very hard subhanAllah. Maybe I am getting old? 35 this year and I feel it, believe me, maybe I have reached a point in my life where being daring is beyond me now .no more young blood left lol. I’m just rambling now………………

sisters are doing it, right?

I took thi from a forum and felt it worthy to share here considering i am on the topic of families!


A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day
drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about
life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the
obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass
thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter. Don't
forget your Sisters" she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom
of her glass. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how
much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you
may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places
with them now and then; do things with them. Remember that "Sisters"
means ALL the women...your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your
other women relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do.

What a funny piece of advice the young woman thought. "Haven't I just
gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple world? "I'm now a married
woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we
may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!" But she listened
to her mother. She kept in contact with her Sisters and made more women friends
each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to
understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time
and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon woman, Sisters
are the mainstay of her life. After more than 50 years of living in this
world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time Passes. Life Happens. Distance Separates. Children Grow Up. Jobs
Come and Go. Love Waxes and Wanes. Men Don't Do What they're Supposed To Do. Hearts Break. Parents Die. Colleagues Forget Favors. Careers End.
BUT.... Sisters are there no matter how much time and how many miles
are between you. A girl friend is never farther away that needing her can
reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by
yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you,pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...or
come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters,
sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended
family all bless our life.

The world wouldn't be the same without women and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we still need each other.

Family Ties

We all need family in one way or another…………the care, love and support of family members so vital to ones well being and existence. For someone who was raised in an extended family atmosphere in the West, who grew up knowing what the extended family meant. I spent most of my 6 weeks hols from my British school at various aunties’ homes, where in turn I learnt to cook, clean and baby-sit and all this from the age of 10yrs old. It also gave mum a break and we came back refreshed, that was the idea. As I got older and the work load and tasks became harder I began to see it more as a slave labour! You know what? Now I don’t knock it for a second as I learnt very important life skills that I apply today and this really was a very important aspect in my growing up! It is a common practice in the Asian culture and I see it here to in Algeria and it is something I like and value as a part of family life with the extended families.

Now soon after my conversion to Islam I lost all my family for 10yrs (i am talking about no contact at all, mum, sisters ,brothers, aunt’s, uncles the whole clan , inafact after 10yrs all I have contact with is my mum and sisters. The relationship is not so wonderful but alhamduillah its better than the lonely 10years of emptiness on that side of the very relationships that make you. This was and is a very painful period in my life , I feel sad for my kids as they don’t have cousins to hang out with , sleep overs, days out , again the very things that helped shape you during thoses tender years and early adulthood. The sleep overs were best, midnight feasting and shopping trips. One of the reasons for making hijrah to Algeria was to be with family so that my kids can have the cousins and aunts, uncles and family ties that I lost.

When we first arrived in Algeria for hijrah suddenly the family I knew on the holidays was no longer the same, maybe I was naïve , maybe I didn’t read between the lines, maybe it was mainly necsities on their part and I didn’t see the real deal? Anyhow whatever , I just want to remind myself we are all sinners and no one is perfect , we can strive to be better and do better , so in no way am I putting a family down that I care for despite and I loved and still love! A family that if I need them will come whatever the time of day or night, wherethier they do it because I am the wife of their brother or son Allah knows beast! I would prefer it if it was for the sake of Allah and because I am seen and taken as a daughter or sister by them inshaAllah. The last two years have been empty of family and this has had a tremendous effect on my mental wellbeing as well as my children but we got on with it , I mean at the end of the day I offer you family ties for the sake of Allah and because I love and care for you as a sister/daughter/aunt ect does but I can’t force you to return that very love back. I can’t force you to like me and love me back; I can only be at my best for you! Just recently I am going through some very hard hitting issues alhamduillah and I felt I was reaching the end of my ability to cope, almost giving up. I decided I can’t do this alone anymore and I need the support of the family and love, I am talking about genuine love! I presented myself upon them this weekend with the kids in tow. Alhamduilah they were very welcoming and very kind mash Allah just like the family of the holidays before I made hijrah. This meant a lot to me and my children and upon arriving at the head of the households home , many members of the extended family were there , having the exact sleep overs I talked about and supporting one another and learning and sharing task most of all caring and loving because they want to. This weekend was very positive and had a great effect on my children’s well being as well as my own, knowing I don’t need to carry this load alone alhamduillah. I am a great believer in moderation and the middle path, so I would not impose myself and my kids on them too often but enough to maintain a healthy relationship inshaAllah. We all came home feeling we need this , we are missing out, I have also come to realise life in Algeria functions with the family, one who is an orphan or an immigrant to Algeria like myself with no maternal ties here will suffer a great deal of loneliness esp. if the in-laws are not accessible for various reasons. As life in Algeria functions with the family , the extended family play a very important role in the functioning and living life in Algeria subhanAllah I didn’t realise just how much until lately. An example when the wife needs a break from the martial home and life she will go and stay with her maternal family and her mum and sisters, brother and father will support her in so many ways. This is repeated throughout the year many times. She will also if she does not already live with the in-laws spend time with them in a similar fashion. By going away form the marital home it gives her a break and a change of scene to come back refreshed inshaAllah. As I do notice there is not much going out here in Algeria for the women folk as the men do the shopping and most out door dealings, womenfolk stay at home , manage the homes and children, the exception would be for students and working women.
I noted 2 things that are very important for life in Algeria regular outings as a family on the weekends, example would be picnics, drives, walks, short holidays even but an annual one is defiantly a must. The second being family ties, good strong family ties or at least with sisters who really care and are not superficial and offer a fake and temporal love or sisterhood. That when they address you as sister they really understand its meaning and are not superficial about it. If these sisters are going to take the place of family ties then they need to consider the kind of relationship and what it entail they are offering or lack off and the effect this will have on the recipient.

Well what I have decided is we all need family one way or another , I have decided to make the family here more involved in our lives and be involved in theirs more to a limit naturally, we need each other , I have a very big void and my children also, they need to be accepted and loved by their extended families inshaAllah. Sometimes learning to forgive and forget is better than destroying and being resentful. This is what I intend to do inshaAllah but at the same time I don’t want anyone to think I have MUG written upon my forehead and walk over me and my emotions and take advantage of my nature and profit form me in whatever way they want and dump me , relationships work both ways efforts have to come from both ends.

Worn out and lost my ZEAL

For you that know me , will know about my engery and enthusiam mashaAllah. at the present i have lost all energy and zeal to do anything , my body feels limp and aches. Thing is I have heeps of annual washing to do , rugs , blankets , walls, and curtains and windows although these are more frequent. The flat 2 floors above are having renevations done to the windows and the bulider is in and sledge hammering the brick work and all is dropping down to me and my windows and curtains, he has dropped load of debris ont my citern reserve tank and the pipe is dripping now , i feel furious and want to go up and give him a piece of my mind! It's times like this i want my DH here. i can't belive this builder has come and made all this mess without reguard to others property, this ia a often repeated process in Algeria makes me mad. It's like the neighburs are getting there place all done up but dumpping the rubbish on me , i am ground floor. Someone had paint work done once and the painter threw all the spirt cleaner out of the window and it all went on my window and my curtains. La illahillah, I feel like i am gone slap someone!

Listening To The Wind

Do you ever listen to the weather? I do and love it, I like noisy weather, rain and wind are my favorites, and I enjoy looking at it as well as listening. Right now it’s windy as I lay here in my bed typing. Weather conditions in Algeria are rather extreme, like when it’s hot, it’s really hot, when I t rains it pours and when it’s windy it’s a gale force subhan Allah. When I first arrived in Algeria in 2005 Oct, it was autumn time and I had never experienced Algerian in autumn or winter and spring come to that! Only hot summers mind you my first visit was a February one and it was cold and wet so I never went out much also it were ramandam, so most of my 2weeks were spent indoors alhamduilah. Anyhow getting back to the wind, during my first week of wind , I was terrified as I live near the sea, high winds come right off the sea front and lashing at my shutters and windows, I remember laying there thinking the double glazed patio windows would cave in under the sheer force of the powerful wind subhanAllah. My home is very draughty so the force of the wind getting through cracks and gaps can be heard smacking against closed doors, making them rattle and creak, now this in the early hours was not very nice, I really lay there thinking this is it subhanAllah, it’s a hurricane. My Algerian counterparts the next day were so normal and did not seem disturb as I was by the wind. I truly spent the first year in fear of my life due to the weather, only to realize later that it was so normal here. Tonight the wind is lashing on the metal security bars and wooden shutters, howling and lashing occasionally carrying a piece of debris that is smashes against a surface creating at bang. I have dug out the candles and a lighter as there is sure to be a power cut at some point after a while you become accustomed to the traits and patterns of the weather. I lost some washing earlier in the day due to the windy weather , we looked and looked for the items but couldn’t find them , carried off somewhere far by the wind no doubt. I went out early this morning 7.45am to be exact, subhan Allah the calm after the storm, it has rained heavy last night along with the wind and there are mud and debris everywhere, mud slides have moved down for the city above, the road down is a mess. Despite this mess on the way back I was contemplating just how lovely a walk is in the morning looking out at what was the angry sea last night and now it was dull and grey reflecting the sky. Did you know the sea reflects its colors in accordance to the sky that day? It got me thinking all things are nice in moderation , like if I drove everyday , everywhere I wouldn’t appreciate this moment and I am sure there are moments in the car that I would miss out on if I didn’t drive, striking the balance is the beauty. I could stand and watch the sea for hours in its glory as it reminds me so much of the power of Allah subhanoo .

My Blood Presures is Low

Stress is an amazing killer don't you think , how it can silently distroy you feeling pains and unexplained sysmpotons related to stress like hair loss. Ever felt you can't take NO MORE? Ever felt like is there to be an end? Ever felt like this test is never going to End? Ever got desprate? Astfirullah I did and got myself sick with it! In the end I returned to the quran for comfort and i mean by reciting it and increasing my adkhar and subhan Allah my heart felt lighter and my mood better. Allah Al must'aan I still have a mountain to climb but with Allah on my side its certainly easier Al-hamduillah.

Picnic With Friends On The Beach

We had decided a few days ago to have a picnic on the beach with a few friends, there was me and my 3 kids, Prof K , Sommayah & her 2 kids, Um R her new born, 4yr old dd , Um M & her 4 kids ofcourse the dh's came to bar mine.
We set off as a trail of 3 cars to a local beach Sidi frej, in season its a very bustling touristic venune , now outa season its pretty isolated but still busy. We the day was overcast but warm but by the time we got to the beach the wind picked up and it began to rain only a drizzle but it didn't help matters. We had prepared a picnic , Sommayah made delicious breaded turkey strips, shrimps too with a delightful mayo and chilli dip! she had been busy making cup cakes with butter cream filling and strawberys both were lovely mashaAllah. Well done sister and thanks......BTW were they fresh strawberries in the cup cakes? Um R is a tourist at this time visiting Algeria and is due to return to London on Sunday , poor her and her kids looked cold and i am sure they was. As there were alot of young kids they decided to leave at first i was ready to go too but then dd1 said NO! lets stay , as the others have to go as young kids are cold ect , so i said ok , I am glad I did as the drizzle stopped and the sun emerged breifly. We stayed for longer , went for a walk around the port and locked at the yacht's. Kids went on horse and pony rides, we had ice creams well i didn't but it was banana splits for the kids. We got home around 8pm just before magrib. the kids seemed to enjoy it mashaAllah . I wanted it to be nice as dd1 is due to start her exams tomorrow and she is unwell at present so i wanted it to be a light reilef for her and something to lift her spirt a little inshaAllah. I must tell you that sea air is good as , they all crashed out very soon after we returned home mashaAllah. It felt like a scence out of the UK , the wet weather and Brighton or Margate by the seaside, with our flasks of tea and braving it dispite the weather subhanAllah. Qadr Allah we made the most of the situation I felt for Umm R but she mashaAllah is no party pooper and braved the time dispite the fact she was cold.........she said it reminded her of a film Barji on the beaches....never seen it myself but i am sure its a barrel of laught's per minute funny thing is i was going to make some potato bajhi's but i forgot to tell the sister!

The mourning Part 1

That night in May i think it was Friday infact i am sure it was.......around 10.45pm i am sitting up watching MBC5 can not recall what and the moblie rings. I see from the caler ID its my DH ringing me from London, i was wondering why so late as i had spoken to him earlier that day at lenght.

His voice is muffeled and unclear , he asks who is still up out of the kids? They were all in bed, i think dd13 was reading in bed. I ask what is wrong? Then before he answers that dreaded feeling of bad news appears in the pit of my stomach , in my heart i felt it was Mil, she was unwell or taken seriously ill to hospital. He said something i think i heard it but was ot sure i did. So i told him to get a grip for a moment and tell me clearly what was wrong!
Then he said it, ''N (his youngest sister) is dead!'' What felt like a hundred thoughts rushed through my head in what seemed like a long pause as i tried to register this news. I asked him if he was sure and how? He said he had little detail and was sobbing heavily by this point. I felt so sad for him as he was alone and i just wanted to be there to offer him support, I asked him to ring me back in a bit oncc he composed himself and give me time to register this , i think i was shock, i just felt numb. I tried to visulise the last time i saw her or spoke to her , i saw her last October at mine for a coffee party for my dd sixeme.. I had spoken to her more recently on the phone but had only discussed her with Mil 4-5days ago. I just sat there not knowing what to feel what to do (not that tere was alot i could do so late at night alone in Algeria. DH finally rang back what seemed to be like forever he was better composed and able to tell meshe has been in a car accident tonight and had been killed. I asked after her 2 young children , he told me they were in hospital and her dh , sil and Mil too. That all were ingured and he didn't know the extent of the injuries but they were serous but she had died. I asked him if i should go to the Mil tonight, maybe ask a neighbour to drive me but DH said no don't leave the kids alone , that he was coming on the first flight from London in the Morning and that i was too send the kids to school as normal and not tell them until he was with us , i thought this wise.

That night i couldn't sleep , i cried alone, i made dua for N and the Mil , i wanted to call someone in the family but felt i didn't want to add their pain by asking to many questions with what suddenly didn't seem to adequte Arabic derjah.The information was still vaugue and detail were still unclear.

It felt as though i had just closed my eyes and the alarm was ringing for school, i must have hit the off button as i did actually go back to sleep although i don't think i fully woke up in the first place, my DD13 came in saying ummi get up we are late! I jumped from the bed drained in a way it worked to my advantage as in the rush there was no time to discusss my to be abcence that Saturday, i told the kids i had to go to up-town Algiers and would be home late and that they were to go to the neighbour for lunch and the i will square it with her inshaAllah.

With everyone of to school i quickly wizzed around , put my clothes on and packed a small bag with a change of home dress and hijab as i didn't know what lay ahead but i wanted to be ready. As this was my first expierence of death in Islam and death in the family since my own father when i was very young. I was panicing a little about going there, as i felt in adequate an didn't know what to expect, how to behave, what to say and what to do. Also at the same time i wanted to get there quickly so i could help in the washing of the corspe ready for burrial,, feeling that perhaps the family would be too distrute to do this and i may need to step in.
I was ready to leave, i went to my neighbour upstairs first to tell her to expect my kids for lunch. I told her what had happened and she was very kind and understanding. I asked her what i should expect whaen i got to the home of Mil and what was the custom around death for the Algerians. Taking to her helped me and gave me a better ability to feel at ease alhamduilah. I got to the main road and saw the bus approaching , i remember paying the conductor and the journey seemed like it took hours when infact in reality it was about 30-45 mins. I didn't get a seat as the bus was crowded with cummoutors heading to up town Algeris for thier jobs. I remember seeing various faces but my thoughts kept wandering. Every now and then i would realise my eyes had filled with tears. So i quickly came back from my thoughts and composed myself as i didn't want to bring attention to myself on the bus and have others watching me , although i felt they were anyhow perhaps it was apparent.

I remember hearing someone shouting the last call for BAB el Oued and i almost misssed the stop consumed in my own grief and thoughts. As i got off the bus i remember the 2 minuite walk to the home of Mil, life was normal bustling and busy, each step felt too quick at times, with in myself i felt a delay , a fear of entering the home and not being able to deal with it. My own recollection of death was that of laminating, hysterical crying, inflicting self haram. I was dreading what was to come.

As i approched the entrance to the bulding i was suprissed by the lack of people around ant the lack of overt grief. I saw my Bil at the top of the road so i indicated to him to come over to speak to me, as he got closer , the sleep deprived face with grief written all over it confirmed my fears that this was real. I offered him my duas at the time of death Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un ,انّا للہ و انّا الیہ راجعون translates as "Verily we belong to Allah, and to Allah we return." He replied something to me but i didn't make it out and was not about to ask for a repeat. I asked him if N was in the home? Meaning the body and he said no, this i found bizzare, why? As the body is realeased asap and seeing she died the day before why the delay i wondered.

I arrived at the home the front door was already open, the room was filled with women all sat on matresses on the floor. Most crying , you couldn't hear them sobbing just saw tears trickling down their faces, in amoungst the rush i spotted my Bil's wife so i went over to her and asked her what has happed. She simply said N has died. She pointed out Mil to me sat there in amoungst the women, so i went over to her to hug her and offer my condolences, she held me tightly and sobbed her heart out , telling me N was dead and gone forever, i offered her the above dua and told her to have sabr and to be strong. we must have been in this clinch for 60 secs, i could hear women asking who was this person , meaning me? I then went to sit own in this already crowded room and i asked my Bil's wife what had happeed and she was able to tell me. The car N was traveling in had been in an accident and no other vechile was involved it was unexplained how the car have over turned 4-5 times and she was thrown from the car and died on impact. The car contain 6 persons 2 of them N own children , N was the only fatality. At this point i felt in my heart this was written for her, it was N time , it cold not have been any other way, this is how Allah planned it. This is how she was brought to her death and all it for a reason and all has a wisdom behind it. As the morning passed more people came and went all sat eargly awaiting the body, it had also emerged she was killed outside Algeris , she had gone to a wedding with her inlaws and it was on the way back in a remote area called Laugout which is about a 10-12 hours car journey from Algeris. Now it was all making sense , their older sister who incedently was over from Paris for a holiday of 10days and was due back today had gone last night with the oldest brother to bring the body back to Algeris. So naturally this was going to take time. As the morning moved along more familiar faces appeared, N's older sisters, cousins friends and negihbours, i also saw a very beautiful patient mourning going on here very dignified and calm mashaAllah , i have to hand it to the Algerians mashaAllah they are very calm in this situation and there is a protacall in place. Maybe this is to make ease of the situation. i learned that the main morning is for 3 days when the home will be filled with so many people, some that wil stay the night and day for 3 days. Some women will take the task of cooking food for all who need it , like the family of the deceased and people who have come from far and wide to mourn. Really the food needs to be cooked is on a large scale due to the shere numbers, in this case it was the cousins of the deceased who took this job , with the sister helping out here and there. In some ways i fel this a burden on the family as the cost involed is too much and what if you don't have? On another point it makes sense as there were many who came from far and wide , guest from France, UK , Oran, Jejil ect so these people needed a bed and food in reality. while most could not eat for the first 3-5 meals hence making themselves weak plus with all the grief, the food was made anyhow and offered in another home , a neighbour had offered her kitchen and dinnning room for these 3 days to the mourning family to make things easy for them. Again a beautiful in sight into unity form neighbours mashaAllah. I asked if they needed me to do anything? they told me it was ok as they had enough helpers. Around 11am the convoy from UK arrived and my DH was one of them,I never got to speak with him untill latter that eveing which was fine as he needed to be with his family right now and they needed him. I saw him as he came in to greet his mother and offer her support. This was to be the only closeness he had with his mother for the next 2-3days due to the sher volume of mourners and events.
We all continued to wait for the body of N but they delay was now with the corener , he wanted to visist the scence of the accident and refused to sign realese papers until he did. Also another thing noted in Algeria so much red tape and papper work to get through. As night fell news was coming in that she was coming but then we were told although they were on route they would not arrive until 11pm and then they will take her straight to the morge as the Corpse had been on the road in a closed van for 12hrs and it was hot weather so the risk of smelling it was wise to refrderate her until the burial tomorrow. At news of this my dh took me home as my kids had been alone and we needed to break the news to them. It had been a long hard day , i was drained but alhamduilah it was not a bad as i had first imagned.





This is a nasheed that really captures the events of death for me and its one that we used to listen to often but after the death of N my DD13 does not allow me to play this in her precence anymore.

We are only just being able to talk about the events of that MAY 2008 that will haunt us for a long time. Even for myself i was not able to blog this before as it was to painful buti wish i ha as the recollection has lost some of its impact.