Coming back but feeling different

Yesterday I went to a community bazaar and caught up with a lot of the old circle of sisters, mash Allah lovely sisters. I did note that life has remained the same.

I was speaking to sister S about my own spiritual development after hijrah I realized soon after being in Algeria alone for so long and only depending upon my lord for my daily nourishment of faith and battling shatan every step of the way, my faith entered another level Alhamdulillah, a new spiritual high that can only be attained after hardship and dependence upon Allah. I feel looking back on my life in the UK it is a life of dependence upon society and materialism, before you all start, I am talking about my own experience and things the way I felt them. We have this net work of sisters and weekly halaqh's, events we are involved in, things that’s are good, of course they are but soon we take on more and more, the DH is out of the home almost 24/7, kids are in bed before he gets in and sometimes gone off for the day before he gets up, having to make appointments to see his own kids. The sisterhood is great in the UK mash Allah very diverse but as I came to learn a very superficial one, not all some as there are so many wonderful sisters out there and who really do care. We live in this self created Islamic bubble we create for ourselves in the UK, the choices, materialism and access hinders our real relationship with our lord, we are missing tranquility, our hearts are diseases with love for comfort. I often remind myself ''if I don't have hardships, how will I come closer to Allah?'

I was talking to a sister and she was telling me she was so stressed, with the daily grind and life. I asked her if she had food on her table, she said yes, did her roof leak water. She said no, is her health in tack? She said yes. I them told her so what is the stress that is making you so ill? She told me her job, her routine and her wealth, so basically her blessings subhan Allah. I advised her is an illusion of the word stress, put the same energy into your salat and dikr, reaffirm your faith and correct you salat and wudu. I don't know if you can relate to what I am saying but we are all caught up in this in gratitude, when was the last time we thanked our lord , do we do it as often as we moan? We need to self look within ourselves and return to the basics to have faith cost nothing, to have emaan cost nothing to maintain it cost scarifies. Allah guide us all ameen.

Destiny & choices

Therefore, the Prophet (PBUH) used to tell his Companions: "Renew your faith." He was asked, "O Messenger of Allah, how do we renew our faith?" He said, "By frequently repeating la ilaha ill-Allah."

It's been a while since I have been able to blog peacefully due to moving and PC and not to mention the kids hogging the PC, I can't even hear myself think let alone type a meaning full post. Today up early and hopefully shall be able to knock my thoughts out to share. Now going and the build up to coming didn’t want to return to the UK despite all the home sickness, the only think that influenced my decision was the fact that my DH is here so I came Alhamdulillah. Now this has been the hardest transitions back to the UK, I just hate coming here and reclaiming my old life, maybe that's the problem? I have a new life now, a new home, a new social network, a new way of living, yes it was hard at first but I got used to it now and made a life for us Alhamdulillah, mash Allah, TabbarakAllah.

Being together has been a key factor in my return, to be honest I don't want to be alone anymore and the kids without a father and the DH without a wife. So that's a common factor, I know any future decisions I make now will be about being together as a family Insha’Allah.

Thing is we plan but Allah has already planned ahead of us for He is the best of planners. Dreams, aspirations, visions and hopes we have can materialize but we need to work towards them. Living this life as a mum of 3 kids one a teen mash Allah Alhamdulillah I can tell you life does not get easier , mothering does not get easier subhan Allah how I worry about the kids and grey in the process more than when they was babies. Mothering at this stage is harder you have to exercise the mind and reasoning more subhanAllah, not like when there young, feed and clean and rock to sleep, although at the time we moaning but really theses are blissful years. I am not complaining not by far just sharing and reminding. all my life plans are now shaped around the future of my kids, so there are directions I want to go in but can not and maybe will never due to their well being. Being a mother is all about sacrifices, for her kids, her DH and family women in Islam gain lot of reward by simply being a mother.