Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Brain is ticking on over time and I am in a reflective mood just wondering what I am doing what am I achieving esp. with the kids , I feel like they are lacking , they are missing out , I am not doing a good enough job where the deen is concerned. Need to make changes need to establish new routines? This is becoming a big stress for me as I am loosing time, each day they are growing time is slipping away, their lives and the way they live them is not the vision I had for life after hijrah. I feel the school life here takes up too much of their life time. They study 8am-3pm 4-6pm tuition most days per week. (Don’t forget the daily homework) 8pm bed now that’s the day!!!!! They study 6 days per week only having Friday as the 1 whole day off, this day is spent by me washing school clothes ready and dried, ironed for the next day, cooking a special meal as it’s the only whole day we have together, daily housework, making sure everyone has a ghusal before jummah and off to the masjid for jummah salat. The day is lost – the day was not spent with my kids in the way I wanted to , they never had my full attention , they never got the quality me or time I wanted , that I never seem to get these days with them , I am getting the grumpy and tired kids .
I am feeling lost inside a maze and my kids are slipping away into this world of secular education , that is dominating their lives………………..I don’t see an Islamic identity as strong as is was and this worries me , as they are seeing their peers more than me it seems and identifying more where culture of Algeria is concerned after all they are Algerian, I feel they need to be around a more pious and God fearing model daily as school is doing little for their deen, after all its what we are here for right ? I mean in this world, think about it what life is better to prepare for this one or the next? Look at this way which life will you give more energy? A life that last say 100yrs tops (if you are blessed) or eternal? Where, which life are your energies going to be focused at? Got it, yes the eternal life no doubt!!!!!!! In need to make rapid changes and stop making excuses or I am going to loose these babies to culture and routine, this worries me, no free thinking disables the mind. If I had my way I would put them into Islamic schooling systems inshaAllah at least that way they are learning deen along side secular studies in an Islamic environment rather than a cultural one. Need answers and need them fast as time is running away form my kids the tender years are passing Allah Al Mus’taan.