Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Thinking Aloud

Brain is ticking on over time and I am in a reflective mood just wondering what I am doing what am I achieving esp. with the kids , I feel like they are lacking , they are missing out , I am not doing a good enough job where the deen is concerned. Need to make changes need to establish new routines? This is becoming a big stress for me as I am loosing time, each day they are growing time is slipping away, their lives and the way they live them is not the vision I had for life after hijrah. I feel the school life here takes up too much of their life time. They study 8am-3pm 4-6pm tuition most days per week. (Don’t forget the daily homework) 8pm bed now that’s the day!!!!! They study 6 days per week only having Friday as the 1 whole day off, this day is spent by me washing school clothes ready and dried, ironed for the next day, cooking a special meal as it’s the only whole day we have together, daily housework, making sure everyone has a ghusal before jummah and off to the masjid for jummah salat. The day is lost – the day was not spent with my kids in the way I wanted to , they never had my full attention , they never got the quality me or time I wanted , that I never seem to get these days with them , I am getting the grumpy and tired kids .
Time is running out.
I am feeling lost inside a maze and my kids are slipping away into this world of secular education , that is dominating their lives………………..I don’t see an Islamic identity as strong as is was and this worries me , as they are seeing their peers more than me it seems and identifying more where culture of Algeria is concerned after all they are Algerian, I feel they need to be around a more pious and God fearing model daily as school is doing little for their deen, after all its what we are here for right ? I mean in this world, think about it what life is better to prepare for this one or the next? Look at this way which life will you give more energy? A life that last say 100yrs tops (if you are blessed) or eternal? Where, which life are your energies going to be focused at? Got it, yes the eternal life no doubt!!!!!!! In need to make rapid changes and stop making excuses or I am going to loose these babies to culture and routine, this worries me, no free thinking disables the mind. If I had my way I would put them into Islamic schooling systems inshaAllah at least that way they are learning deen along side secular studies in an Islamic environment rather than a cultural one. Need answers and need them fast as time is running away form my kids the tender years are passing Allah Al Mus’taan.


seekingtaqwa said...

subhanallah,you are having the kind of thoughts I was having during my cyber break...time for reflection and deciding which way to go next is always useful...theres a good book called in the early hgours...I'm bringing it with me...gives good advice about structuring your life islamically to gain the most out of it....allah give you strength and sabr, ameen

Umm Ibrahim said...

Assalaamu alaikum,
Subhan Allah I think we all need to share ideas on this topic! Educating the kids in the best way and how to spend quality time with them is always the 'biggie'.
Allah help us!



Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

aslamu alakum sisters
firstly i will want a copy of that book sister inshaAllah.

Its not easy , what i did come to notice when my own emman is low i feel stronger about this also when my own emman is low it effects the whole household. Its important the mother nourishes her emman and own spirtual learning. I took steps , i banned use of the TV , now the TV and me is a sore point , as i gave it up in 1999. Now scince coming to Algeria it has emerged back into our lives , Algeria is a very TV passtime orinated country. We have it for use for the various good on there that was the reasoning but then you get in deeper and deeper and before you know it your watching alsorts. If i had my way NO TV , really get it out of the home its such a distraction to the remberance of Allah.

Thing is as an adult you can control its use but the kids can not and ast hey get older they want to watch other materials which could and will contain adult themes, this is not a acceptable , i am considering decoding the reciever not to recieve most channels.

Ok so back to effetive steps, i enrolled dd2 at the local masjid , son is back praying and i am helping him learn how to and we are working on juz ama. DD1 is an issue ,firtsly she has lil free time , 2nd i feel she will learn better from an outside source as in a halaqh. I can only guide and point. this is what i tell them under my roof its sharia law and when you are no longer under my care its between you and Allah but i will give account to Allah , i taught you , i showed you , i gave you if you dont use it your choice but while under my roof and my care my rules. Whoever said parenting gets easier lied bring back the sleepless nights and nappy days .............. it actually gets harder subhan Allah. I am pulling out time , pockets of time to study and learn , you will be suprised what you can learn in 10mins of 1 to 1, even if its 10mins per day better than nothing belive me. Allah give us all the strenght to raise our kids upon salhin ameen.

Umm Ibrahim said...

You're right sis! Masha'Allah my youngest is easy-peasy... she's only 15 months old but dealing with the older girls is different. :?

Sarah said...

Salaams! I just thought I'd rear my ugly head and stop lurking. I have been getting into blogs this weekend and have 'seen' a few familiar faces. :D ..including yours!

I love your blog - it's really from the heart.

You seem to have had a few tough experiences of late - I never realised. :( Big hugs!

Umm Hibaat said...

Assalaamu Alaykum sis,

This is a big one. I think we wouldn't be normal if we didn't question how we were spending our time with our kids. In sha Allah we can help each other out with advice and suggestions.

Would you be able to tell us (perhaps some time in the future) about your experiences with and without TV. We do watch TV, but Alhamdulillah sometimes the kids get bored of it and want to do something exciting!

Take care sis!

Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

walakum aslam umm hibaat

Now i have had long pierods without the box and in all i tell you they are the best!!! The TV robs you of family time, family realations, quality time, use of the brain , family bonding, it takes you away from the remberance of Allah, prayer , dikr, makes you lazy sometimes greedy , coach potato type. Benefits are few sister, i was told cartoons for the kids, well these can be and are highly adictive. When we went through peirods of no TV i noticed a carmer household, closer realtions, more creative children also everyone seemed to have there head in a book most of the time mashaAllah. i could here more rembrance of Allah throughout the home. Less agressive behaviour and attitude from the younger members of the household. TV holds you back sister in my expierence. I liked the quality time aspect more than anything esp with dh and as a family as a whole, the alertness and hunger to listen. Rather than the brain dead zombie child, also the TV is a cause of fitnah as i often saw the kids swabbling and fighting over noise and channels. I like the TV for news and things like al majid channel also fatafeat cooking channel. I feel by having the TV its going to allow more haram element into the environment, that would not usually be allowed in.

Aslamu alakum sarah

Iam thinking are you the Sarah i think you are ? not so ugly headed i may add, you are welcome here, i am just suprissed sisters are able to suss me out as i wanted to remain hidden, that way i feel it comes more from the heart and i am not holding back. Today another hidden tressure told me she found me on a search engine and knew it was me straight away. well i may go underground if i can't remain amyoumous. i know it must be my arful spelling giving it all away :(

Umm Salihah said...

This post really touched my heart. My biggest worry (especially as a working mum) is how much time I spend on the religious learning and tarbiyyah of my children. At 5, I am already worrying that I have not got far enough with my eldest. Also the time element, she was tired and so was I and she fell asleep half way through practising her arabic lesson.

Just keep praying that that we are successful in this, once the chance is gone its gone and I never feel that I did enough with them in each day. I guess its better than being complacent though I suppose?

As for the TV thing, we have never had a TV for the simple reason that I did not want it socialising my children into thinking Islam is bad, haram is ok, halal is wierd, hijab is oppressive etc etc. Its my job to instil morals and values not the boxes. But if you are going to take it away then you have to replace it with something better: books, long walks, days out, talking to each other. As you will be aware its certainly not the easier option not to have it, even if it the better one.

Sarah said...


The clues are there Rainbow! ;) I must admit this is a side of you I never knew about. I mean that in a nice way of course. :P

Oh, and of course I am the Sarah you are thinking of. :D

Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

aslamu alakum umm saliha
welcome to my thoughts, i am glad you could relate to my post alhamduilah and i am sorry to read you are facing such anxities too. You made a very valid point something i never realised as i have never been an outdoor person but have learnt over the years scince becoing a mother. This is something that has not materilised for us in Algeria , we see the sea everyday from the windows but till now i have not evendipped my toe in it subhan Allah. We have no outdoor life and social life is extremly limmited. Thoses who know me have often heard me say i have got cabin fever, now spring is upon the horizen and the sun is shining its harder. This is another test that i have to pass through and inshaAllah i paiently await days out and picnic's by the sea and perhaps even a swim inshaAllah. This i know gets the kids down.

Prayers for Peace

Prayers for Peace