Friday, 30 May 2008

Plate Of Art

My dd1 picked me up this as gifts from BAZETA, BEO. I thought it rather nice simple but effective and only for 50da

Driving Around

The morning started of with my son poking me to get out of bed, as i had made a mess of my tahjud and fajar salat, i think i were half asleep and misread the clock and ended up praying them both out of time slot subhanAllah. So I was alil worse for wear at 7am, in the end i crawled from the bed at 7.30am and we headed of to the school, once finished there myself and Prof K headed to the market to pick up a gift for the Aqiqah cermony we were invited to later that afternoon. After that we headed to the port and sea front of La Madrak, in Ain Benian as the car park was pretty empty i told prof K , move over i want to drive your left hand drive as i have never driven a left hand drive (in the UK we have right hand drives) , so for the first 2 gear changes my left hand was automacticilly headed towards the door and looking for the gear stick there after abit all was ok mashaAllah , alhamhuillah the pedals are the same. Photobucket This was nice driving again after 2 1/2 years realising not all is forgotten and i am rusty on the reverse gear otherwise mashaAllah looks promising and it also made me determined to get a car inshaAllah a left hand drive soon Allah willing.

Saturday, 24 May 2008

Lonely Hijrah (Evaluation Sofar)

I don’t think I ever got over the loneliness I encountered during the first 3 years as a muhajirah Allah Al Must’aan. Really this has been one of the downsides of my hijrah, the loneliness and lack of support. Mind you having said that year 3 has been the best in terms of seeing more people namely sisters ,making new friends too as I saw more this term than I did in the first two years . I also got out more this last year and felt more settled with the ability to shop and get food stuff. This last issue has to do with the mild winter and also a build up of new shopping facilities locally. Cooking has been more varied this year, is this due to becoming accustomed to the veg on offer and acquiring a taste for them? Or my oven being fixed? Offering me more variety of foods? This year seems to have zoomed by much faster than the other 2 subhanAllah but in my heart not fast enough. I am more settled than I ever was in Algeria and I have no intention to return to the UK to reclaim a life there and I ask Allah to aid my decision to say put. Having said that I ’ never say never ‘ rule one in my life, coz you never know when and where……if I was too return it would not be because I didn’t like it , it didn’t work for me , or I didn’t want to be here despite all my hardships. I know I made the right decision to come to Algeria in hindsight maybe would have most certainly preferred another country; I was more geared for the Middle East. Having lived here for 3 years now I don’t regret for a moment having come to Algeria. OK maybe not the place for you or me so it would seem but I have gained so much from this first emigration.lonely
There is certain something that hijrah brings a blessing that I can’t explain because it’s spiritual. Just thinking had we gone else where just how hard it would have been without the local know how and support to help us establish a home ect. We have the know how here and its still very hard subhanAllah. Maybe I am getting old? 35 this year and I feel it, believe me, maybe I have reached a point in my life where being daring is beyond me now .no more young blood left lol. I’m just rambling now………………Lonely

sisters are doing it, right?

I took thi from a forum and felt it worthy to share here considering i am on the topic of families!

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day
drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about
life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the
obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass
thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter. Don't
forget your Sisters" she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom
of her glass. They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how
much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you
may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places
with them now and then; do things with them. Remember that "Sisters"
means ALL the women...your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your
other women relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do.

What a funny piece of advice the young woman thought. "Haven't I just
gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple world? "I'm now a married
woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we
may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!" But she listened
to her mother. She kept in contact with her Sisters and made more women friends
each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to
understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time
and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon woman, Sisters
are the mainstay of her life. After more than 50 years of living in this
world, here is what I've learned:
Time Passes. Life Happens. Distance Separates. Children Grow Up. Jobs
Come and Go. Love Waxes and Wanes. Men Don't Do What they're Supposed To Do. Hearts Break. Parents Die. Colleagues Forget Favors. Careers End.
BUT.... Sisters are there no matter how much time and how many miles
are between you. A girl friend is never farther away that needing her can
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by
yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you,pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...or
come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters,
sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended
family all bless our life.

The world wouldn't be the same without women and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we still need each other.

Family Ties


We all need family in one way or another…………the care, love and support of family members so vital to ones well being and existence. For someone who was raised in an extended family atmosphere in the West, who grew up knowing what the extended family meant. I spent most of my 6 weeks hols from my British school at various aunties’ homes, where in turn I learnt to cook, clean and baby-sit and all this from the age of 10yrs old. It also gave mum a break and we came back refreshed, that was the idea. As I got older and the work load and tasks became harder I began to see it more as a slave labour! You know what? Now I don’t knock it for a second as I learnt very important life skills that I apply today and this really was a very important aspect in my growing up! It is a common practice in the Asian culture and I see it here to in Algeria and it is something I like and value as a part of family life with the extended families.

Now soon after my conversion to Islam I lost all my family for 10yrs (i am talking about no contact at all, mum, sisters ,brothers, aunt’s, uncles the whole clan , inafact after 10yrs all I have contact with is my mum and sisters. The relationship is not so wonderful but alhamduillah its better than the lonely 10years of emptiness on that side of the very relationships that make you. This was and is a very painful period in my life , I feel sad for my kids as they don’t have cousins to hang out with , sleep overs, days out , again the very things that helped shape you during thoses tender years and early adulthood. The sleep overs were best, midnight feasting and shopping trips. One of the reasons for making hijrah to Algeria was to be with family so that my kids can have the cousins and aunts, uncles and family ties that I lost.

When we first arrived in Algeria for hijrah suddenly the family I knew on the holidays was no longer the same, maybe I was naïve , maybe I didn’t read between the lines, maybe it was mainly necsities on their part and I didn’t see the real deal? Anyhow whatever , I just want to remind myself we are all sinners and no one is perfect , we can strive to be better and do better , so in no way am I putting a family down that I care for despite and I loved and still love! A family that if I need them will come whatever the time of day or night, wherethier they do it because I am the wife of their brother or son Allah knows beast! I would prefer it if it was for the sake of Allah and because I am seen and taken as a daughter or sister by them inshaAllah. Photobucket The last two years have been empty of family and this has had a tremendous effect on my mental wellbeing as well as my children but we got on with it , I mean at the end of the day I offer you family ties for the sake of Allah and because I love and care for you as a sister/daughter/aunt ect does but I can’t force you to return that very love back. I can’t force you to like me and love me back; I can only be at my best for you! Just recently I am going through some very hard hitting issues alhamduillah and I felt I was reaching the end of my ability to cope, almost giving up. I decided I can’t do this alone anymore and I need the support of the family and love, I am talking about genuine love! I presented myself upon them this weekend with the kids in tow. Alhamduilah they were very welcoming and very kind mash Allah just like the family of the holidays before I made hijrah. This meant a lot to me and my children and upon arriving at the head of the households home , many members of the extended family were there , having the exact sleep overs I talked about and supporting one another and learning and sharing task most of all caring and loving because they want to. This weekend was very positive and had a great effect on my children’s well being as well as my own, knowing I don’t need to carry this load alone alhamduillah. I am a great believer in moderation and the middle path, so I would not impose myself and my kids on them too often but enough to maintain a healthy relationship inshaAllah. We all came home feeling we need this , we are missing out, I have also come to realise life in Algeria functions with the family, one who is an orphan or an immigrant to Algeria like myself with no maternal ties here will suffer a great deal of loneliness esp. if the in-laws are not accessible for various reasons. As life in Algeria functions with the family , the extended family play a very important role in the functioning and living life in Algeria subhanAllah I didn’t realise just how much until lately. An example when the wife needs a break from the martial home and life she will go and stay with her maternal family and her mum and sisters, brother and father will support her in so many ways. This is repeated throughout the year many times. She will also if she does not already live with the in-laws spend time with them in a similar fashion. By going away form the marital home it gives her a break and a change of scene to come back refreshed inshaAllah. As I do notice there is not much going out here in Algeria for the women folk as the men do the shopping and most out door dealings, womenfolk stay at home , manage the homes and children, the exception would be for students and working women. Photobucket
I noted 2 things that are very important for life in Algeria regular outings as a family on the weekends, example would be picnics, drives, walks, short holidays even but an annual one is defiantly a must. The second being family ties, good strong family ties or at least with sisters who really care and are not superficial and offer a fake and temporal love or sisterhood. That when they address you as sister they really understand its meaning and are not superficial about it. If these sisters are going to take the place of family ties then they need to consider the kind of relationship and what it entail they are offering or lack off and the effect this will have on the recipient.
Well what I have decided is we all need family one way or another , I have decided to make the family here more involved in our lives and be involved in theirs more to a limit naturally, we need each other , I have a very big void and my children also, they need to be accepted and loved by their extended families inshaAllah. Sometimes learning to forgive and forget is better than destroying and being resentful. This is what I intend to do inshaAllah but at the same time I don’t want anyone to think I have MUG written upon my forehead and walk over me and my emotions and take advantage of my nature and profit form me in whatever way they want and dump me , relationships work both ways efforts have to come from both ends.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

Worn out and lost my ZEAL

For you that know me , will know about my engery and enthusiam mashaAllah. at the present i have lost all energy and zeal to do anything , my body feels limp and aches. Thing is I have heeps of annual washing to do , rugs , blankets , walls, and curtains and windows although these are more frequent. The flat 2 floors above are having renevations done to the windows and the bulider is in and sledge hammering the brick work and all is dropping down to me and my windows and curtains, he has dropped load of debris ont my citern reserve tank and the pipe is dripping now , i feel furious and want to go up and give him a piece of my mind! Photobucket It's times like this i want my DH here. i can't belive this builder has come and made all this mess without reguard to others property, this ia a often repeated process in Algeria makes me mad. It's like the neighburs are getting there place all done up but dumpping the rubbish on me , i am ground floor. Someone had paint work done once and the painter threw all the spirt cleaner out of the window and it all went on my window and my curtains. La illahillah, I feel like i am gone slap someone!

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Listening To The Wind

Do you ever listen to the weather? I do and love it, I like noisy weather, rain and wind are my favorites, and I enjoy looking at it as well as listening. Right now it’s windy as I lay here in my bed typing. Weather conditions in Algeria are rather extreme, like when it’s hot, it’s really hot, when I t rains it pours and when it’s windy it’s a gale force subhan Allah. When I first arrived in Algeria in 2005 Oct, it was autumn time and I had never experienced Algerian in autumn or winter and spring come to that! Only hot summers mind you my first visit was a February one and it was cold and wet so I never went out much also it were ramandam, so most of my 2weeks were spent indoors alhamduilah. Anyhow getting back to the wind, during my first week of wind , I was terrified as I live near the sea, high winds come right off the sea front and lashing at my shutters and windows, I remember laying there thinking the double glazed patio windows would cave in under the sheer force of the powerful wind subhanAllah. My home is very draughty so the force of the wind getting through cracks and gaps can be heard smacking against closed doors, making them rattle and creak, now this in the early hours was not very nice, I really lay there thinking this is it subhanAllah, it’s a hurricane. My Algerian counterparts the next day were so normal and did not seem disturb as I was by the wind. I truly spent the first year in fear of my life due to the weather, only to realize later that it was so normal here.Photobucket Tonight the wind is lashing on the metal security bars and wooden shutters, howling and lashing occasionally carrying a piece of debris that is smashes against a surface creating at bang. I have dug out the candles and a lighter as there is sure to be a power cut at some point after a while you become accustomed to the traits and patterns of the weather. I lost some washing earlier in the day due to the windy weather , we looked and looked for the items but couldn’t find them , carried off somewhere far by the wind no doubt. I went out early this morning 7.45am to be exact, subhan Allah the calm after the storm, it has rained heavy last night along with the wind and there are mud and debris everywhere, mud slides have moved down for the city above, the road down is a mess. Despite this mess on the way back I was contemplating just how lovely a walk is in the morning looking out at what was the angry sea last night and now it was dull and grey reflecting the sky. Did you know the sea reflects its colors in accordance to the sky that day? It got me thinking all things are nice in moderation , like if I drove everyday , everywhere I wouldn’t appreciate this moment and I am sure there are moments in the car that I would miss out on if I didn’t drive, striking the balance is the beauty. I could stand and watch the sea for hours in its glory as it reminds me so much of the power of Allah subhanoo . Photobucket

Monday, 19 May 2008

My Blood Presures is Low

Stress is an amazing killer don't you think , how it can silently distroy you feeling pains and unexplained sysmpotons related to stress like hair loss. Ever felt you can't take NO MORE? Ever felt like is there to be an end? Ever felt like this test is never going to End? Ever got desprate?stress Astfirullah I did and got myself sick with it! In the end I returned to the quran for comfort and i mean by reciting it and increasing my adkhar and subhan Allah my heart felt lighter and my mood better. Allah Al must'aan I still have a mountain to climb but with Allah on my side its certainly easier Al-hamduillah.STRESS

Friday, 16 May 2008

Picnic With Friends On The Beach

We had decided a few days ago to have a picnic on the beach with a few friends, there was me and my 3 kids, Prof K , Sommayah & her 2 kids, Um R her new born, 4yr old dd , Um M & her 4 kids ofcourse the dh's came to bar mine.Photobucket
We set off as a trail of 3 cars to a local beach Sidi frej, in season its a very bustling touristic venune , now outa season its pretty isolated but still busy. We the day was overcast but warm but by the time we got to the beach the wind picked up and it began to rain only a drizzle but it didn't help matters. We had prepared a picnic , Sommayah made delicious breaded turkey strips, shrimps too with a delightful mayo and chilli dip! she had been busy making cup cakes with butter cream filling and strawberys both were lovely mashaAllah. Well done sister and thanks......BTW were they fresh strawberries in the cup cakes? Photobucket Um R is a tourist at this time visiting Algeria and is due to return to London on Sunday , poor her and her kids looked cold and i am sure they was. As there were alot of young kids they decided to leave at first i was ready to go too but then dd1 said NO! lets stay , as the others have to go as young kids are cold ect , so i said ok , I am glad I did as the drizzle stopped and the sun emerged breifly. We stayed for longer , went for a walk around the port and locked at the yacht's. Kids went on horse and pony rides, we had ice creams well i didn't but it was banana splits for the kids. We got home around 8pm just before magrib. the kids seemed to enjoy it mashaAllah . I wanted it to be nice as dd1 is due to start her exams tomorrow and she is unwell at present so i wanted it to be a light reilef for her and something to lift her spirt a little inshaAllah. I must tell you that sea air is good as , they all crashed out very soon after we returned home mashaAllah. It felt like a scence out of the UK , the wet weather and Brighton or Margate by the seaside, with our flasks of tea and braving it dispite the weather subhanAllah. Qadr Allah we made the most of the situation I felt for Umm R but she mashaAllah is no party pooper and braved the time dispite the fact she was cold.........she said it reminded her of a film Barji on the beaches....never seen it myself but i am sure its a barrel of laught's per minute funny thing is i was going to make some potato bajhi's but i forgot to tell the sister! Photobucket

The mourning Part 1

That night in May i think it was Friday infact i am sure it was.......around 10.45pm i am sitting up watching MBC5 can not recall what and the moblie rings. I see from the caler ID its my DH ringing me from London, i was wondering why so late as i had spoken to him earlier that day at lenght.

His voice is muffeled and unclear , he asks who is still up out of the kids? They were all in bed, i think dd13 was reading in bed. I ask what is wrong? Then before he answers that dreaded feeling of bad news appears in the pit of my stomach , in my heart i felt it was Mil, she was unwell or taken seriously ill to hospital. He said something i think i heard it but was ot sure i did. So i told him to get a grip for a moment and tell me clearly what was wrong!
Then he said it, ''N (his youngest sister) is dead!'' What felt like a hundred thoughts rushed through my head in what seemed like a long pause as i tried to register this news. I asked him if he was sure and how? He said he had little detail and was sobbing heavily by this point. I felt so sad for him as he was alone and i just wanted to be there to offer him support, I asked him to ring me back in a bit oncc he composed himself and give me time to register this , i think i was shock, i just felt numb. I tried to visulise the last time i saw her or spoke to her , i saw her last October at mine for a coffee party for my dd sixeme.. I had spoken to her more recently on the phone but had only discussed her with Mil 4-5days ago. I just sat there not knowing what to feel what to do (not that tere was alot i could do so late at night alone in Algeria. DH finally rang back what seemed to be like forever he was better composed and able to tell meshe has been in a car accident tonight and had been killed. I asked after her 2 young children , he told me they were in hospital and her dh , sil and Mil too. That all were ingured and he didn't know the extent of the injuries but they were serous but she had died. I asked him if i should go to the Mil tonight, maybe ask a neighbour to drive me but DH said no don't leave the kids alone , that he was coming on the first flight from London in the Morning and that i was too send the kids to school as normal and not tell them until he was with us , i thought this wise.
Tears Pictures, Images and Photos
That night i couldn't sleep , i cried alone, i made dua for N and the Mil , i wanted to call someone in the family but felt i didn't want to add their pain by asking to many questions with what suddenly didn't seem to adequte Arabic derjah.The information was still vaugue and detail were still unclear.

It felt as though i had just closed my eyes and the alarm was ringing for school, i must have hit the off button as i did actually go back to sleep although i don't think i fully woke up in the first place, my DD13 came in saying ummi get up we are late! I jumped from the bed drained in a way it worked to my advantage as in the rush there was no time to discusss my to be abcence that Saturday, i told the kids i had to go to up-town Algiers and would be home late and that they were to go to the neighbour for lunch and the i will square it with her inshaAllah.

With everyone of to school i quickly wizzed around , put my clothes on and packed a small bag with a change of home dress and hijab as i didn't know what lay ahead but i wanted to be ready. As this was my first expierence of death in Islam and death in the family since my own father when i was very young. I was panicing a little about going there, as i felt in adequate an didn't know what to expect, how to behave, what to say and what to do. Also at the same time i wanted to get there quickly so i could help in the washing of the corspe ready for burrial,, feeling that perhaps the family would be too distrute to do this and i may need to step in.
I was ready to leave, i went to my neighbour upstairs first to tell her to expect my kids for lunch. I told her what had happened and she was very kind and understanding. I asked her what i should expect whaen i got to the home of Mil and what was the custom around death for the Algerians. Taking to her helped me and gave me a better ability to feel at ease alhamduilah. I got to the main road and saw the bus approaching , i remember paying the conductor and the journey seemed like it took hours when infact in reality it was about 30-45 mins. I didn't get a seat as the bus was crowded with cummoutors heading to up town Algeris for thier jobs. I remember seeing various faces but my thoughts kept wandering. Every now and then i would realise my eyes had filled with tears. So i quickly came back from my thoughts and composed myself as i didn't want to bring attention to myself on the bus and have others watching me , although i felt they were anyhow perhaps it was apparent.

I remember hearing someone shouting the last call for BAB el Oued and i almost misssed the stop consumed in my own grief and thoughts. As i got off the bus i remember the 2 minuite walk to the home of Mil, life was normal bustling and busy, each step felt too quick at times, with in myself i felt a delay , a fear of entering the home and not being able to deal with it. My own recollection of death was that of laminating, hysterical crying, inflicting self haram. I was dreading what was to come.

As i approched the entrance to the bulding i was suprissed by the lack of people around ant the lack of overt grief. I saw my Bil at the top of the road so i indicated to him to come over to speak to me, as he got closer , the sleep deprived face with grief written all over it confirmed my fears that this was real. I offered him my duas at the time of death Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un ,انّا للہ و انّا الیہ راجعون translates as "Verily we belong to Allah, and to Allah we return." He replied something to me but i didn't make it out and was not about to ask for a repeat. I asked him if N was in the home? Meaning the body and he said no, this i found bizzare, why? As the body is realeased asap and seeing she died the day before why the delay i wondered.

I arrived at the home the front door was already open, the room was filled with women all sat on matresses on the floor. Most crying , you couldn't hear them sobbing just saw tears trickling down their faces, in amoungst the rush i spotted my Bil's wife so i went over to her and asked her what has happed. She simply said N has died. She pointed out Mil to me sat there in amoungst the women, so i went over to her to hug her and offer my condolences, she held me tightly and sobbed her heart out , telling me N was dead and gone forever, i offered her the above dua and told her to have sabr and to be strong. we must have been in this clinch for 60 secs, i could hear women asking who was this person , meaning me? I then went to sit own in this already crowded room and i asked my Bil's wife what had happeed and she was able to tell me. The car N was traveling in had been in an accident and no other vechile was involved it was unexplained how the car have over turned 4-5 times and she was thrown from the car and died on impact. The car contain 6 persons 2 of them N own children , N was the only fatality. At this point i felt in my heart this was written for her, it was N time , it cold not have been any other way, this is how Allah planned it. This is how she was brought to her death and all it for a reason and all has a wisdom behind it. As the morning passed more people came and went all sat eargly awaiting the body, it had also emerged she was killed outside Algeris , she had gone to a wedding with her inlaws and it was on the way back in a remote area called Laugout which is about a 10-12 hours car journey from Algeris. Now it was all making sense , their older sister who incedently was over from Paris for a holiday of 10days and was due back today had gone last night with the oldest brother to bring the body back to Algeris. So naturally this was going to take time. As the morning moved along more familiar faces appeared, N's older sisters, cousins friends and negihbours, i also saw a very beautiful patient mourning going on here very dignified and calm mashaAllah , i have to hand it to the Algerians mashaAllah they are very calm in this situation and there is a protacall in place. Maybe this is to make ease of the situation. i learned that the main morning is for 3 days when the home will be filled with so many people, some that wil stay the night and day for 3 days. Some women will take the task of cooking food for all who need it , like the family of the deceased and people who have come from far and wide to mourn. Really the food needs to be cooked is on a large scale due to the shere numbers, in this case it was the cousins of the deceased who took this job , with the sister helping out here and there. In some ways i fel this a burden on the family as the cost involed is too much and what if you don't have? On another point it makes sense as there were many who came from far and wide , guest from France, UK , Oran, Jejil ect so these people needed a bed and food in reality. while most could not eat for the first 3-5 meals hence making themselves weak plus with all the grief, the food was made anyhow and offered in another home , a neighbour had offered her kitchen and dinnning room for these 3 days to the mourning family to make things easy for them. Again a beautiful in sight into unity form neighbours mashaAllah. I asked if they needed me to do anything? they told me it was ok as they had enough helpers. Around 11am the convoy from UK arrived and my DH was one of them,I never got to speak with him untill latter that eveing which was fine as he needed to be with his family right now and they needed him. I saw him as he came in to greet his mother and offer her support. This was to be the only closeness he had with his mother for the next 2-3days due to the sher volume of mourners and events.
We all continued to wait for the body of N but they delay was now with the corener , he wanted to visist the scence of the accident and refused to sign realese papers until he did. Also another thing noted in Algeria so much red tape and papper work to get through. As night fell news was coming in that she was coming but then we were told although they were on route they would not arrive until 11pm and then they will take her straight to the morge as the Corpse had been on the road in a closed van for 12hrs and it was hot weather so the risk of smelling it was wise to refrderate her until the burial tomorrow. At news of this my dh took me home as my kids had been alone and we needed to break the news to them. It had been a long hard day , i was drained but alhamduilah it was not a bad as i had first imagned.

This is a nasheed that really captures the events of death for me and its one that we used to listen to often but after the death of N my DD13 does not allow me to play this in her precence anymore.

We are only just being able to talk about the events of that MAY 2008 that will haunt us for a long time. Even for myself i was not able to blog this before as it was to painful buti wish i ha as the recollection has lost some of its impact.

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Getting Back On Track..................

Well after a recent brevement we suffered of a close family memeber and the effects this had on everyone, each and everyone is trying to rebuild a life again without the loved one. Some are still recovering from the events, others have delayed shock and still have to mourn. While others are having a lasting effect and are suffering daily with truma. More closer to home my dd1 is suffering she is expierencing daily blackouts and panic attacks. Its the shrouded image she told me , when she thinks of it she feels her chest tighten and blacks out! If she sees a all white piece of cloth she freaks out subhan Allah. Like we were praying together the other day and in the last rakat while standing up she fainted banging her head, she told me after she looked down at her white scarf and remember the shrouded body and blacked out!
I have her under home watch alhamduillah she has days off for revision from school but is due to sit her exams on Saturday, so this is added stress for her. I feel she is undergoing some physcological truma here.

Monday, 12 May 2008

I Have A Trojan Virus In The PC

I have a Trojan inside the PC that is driving me nuts and i am finding it really hard to post, it controls the mouse and clickes on different applications,, ceashing the system , crypting files and basically testing my patience. Somedays i am unable to start up the PC others unable to shutdown. I am still in search for a CD to remove the virus just to let you know why i am not posting too much esp comments on

your blogs..........yikesss its here better publish thi

s before it does anymore da

Are We Wasting Time?

Sometimes we lack the zeal to impliment our daily worship let alone long term, where to find that zeal?
Question: I begin my question by seeking your advice that I may benefit from you with regards to how I may increase my eemaan (faith?)…

Answer: We advise you to recite the Qur'aan frequently and that you increase in your hearing of it and in your recitation of it. Reflect and consider its meaning to the best of your ability and what you do not understand of it, then ask the people of knowledge of your country about it, or write to those outside of your country from the Scholars of Sunnah (Prophetic guidance).

We also advise you to increase in the dhikr (remembrance) of Allaah with such remembrances and supplications that are authentically related, such as saying laa ilaaha illallaah (that none has the right to be worshipped except Allaah), or saying subhaanallaah wal-hamdulillaah wa laa ilaha illallaahu wallaahu akbar (declaring Allaah free from all imperfections, praising Him and declaring that none has the right to be worshipped except Him and that He is greater), and their like. For this purpose, we urge you to refer to books such as al-Kalimut-Tayyib of Ibn Taymiyyah, al-Waabilus-Sayyib of Ibn al-Qayyim, Riyaadhus-Saaliheen and al-Adhkaar both by Imaam an-Nawawee, and their like. This is because the remembrance of Allaah increases eemaan (faith) and causes hearts to attain tranquility, as Allaah - the Most High - said: "Indeed in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find tranquility." [Soorah ar-Ra`d 13:28].

Also preserve your five daily Prayers, your Fasting and the rest of your obligations - along with hoping in Allaah's mercy and forgiveness and relying upon Him in all your affairs. Allaah - the Most High - said: "The Believers are only those who, when Allaah is mentioned, feel a fear in the hearts, and when His Verses are recited to them, it increases their eemaan (faith), and they put their trust and rely upon Allaah alone. They are those who perform the Prayer and spend out of that which We have given them, they are Believers in truth. For them are grades of dignity and nobility with their Lord, and also forgiveness and generous provisions." [Soorah al-Anfaal 8:2-4]

Shaykh `Abdul `Aziz ibn Baz
Fataawaa Lajnatud-Daa'imah lil-Buhoothul `Ilmiyyah wal-Iftaa, 3/185-187

My advise is inshAllah to try and implement the following:

1) No matter what happens dont abandon the salah. Push yourself to perform it on time and try not to miss the 5 daily salah. Prepare yourself the night before by making wudhu and making the duas before you go to sleep, go to bed early enough that you may wake up for Fajr inshAllah.Contemplate on the what you say during each stage of salah. Think on how you are standing before your Lord. When you are making wudhu try to get into that frame of mind to prepare for salah, try to attain khushoo. I heard one student of Ilm say the sweetest salah is the one a person attains sakinah and takes his or her time to perform salah without rushing. One attains such satisfaction. So when you perform salah, try not to rush, try to perfect your poses and recitation.

2) Read and contemplate the Quran. This is especially helpful when you are making salah, you grasp what you are saying. Read about what Allah has prepared for the believer, and strive to reach that point.

3) Keep your tongue moist with dhikr. Contemplate on what you utter, seek istighfar and guidance and make dua for Allah to give you the strength to get pass this stage and make you a stronger believer.

4) Constantly thinking about death and akhira. This is a sobering way to think about your goals in this world and the next. Death and the Hereafter, humble one very much. If you can try to ask yourself at the end of each day, what good have I put out today that inshAllah will be upon my meezan ? Act like you have been told, you have a short span on this earth. And truly, we all are travellers, you dont want to die upon such a state when you could have done more for yourself.

5) Think about the blessings in your life and look at those who have less than you. It will make you reflect on alot. If you can, I encourage you to involve yourself in benefitting the muslim community in your area. Look at Allah's creations, many times we go in life not appreciating them.

6) Read the seerah of the Prophet ( salallahu alayhi wa salam) and his companions ( radhiallahu anhum). This will make you reflect on the Iman of these individuals and how they strove to attain Allah's pleasure even through difficult trials.

7) Push yourself to acquire knowledge and to act upon it as best as possible. Start with doing the obligatory and be constant upon it and little by little increase to the level you know you can manage, its better not to overwhelm yourself. Overwhelming yourself can lead one to be disheartened and then to low iman because they feel they couldnt accomplish such and such.

8) Listen to lectures so as to benefit your mind and heart.

9) Strive hard to keep from that which is against the Quran and Sunnah. Looking at the forbidden, eating the haram, listening to the haram etc Doing so strengthens your Iman. This also means to work on the internal and external etc

10) Surround yourself with those who will encourage you upon good inshAllah.

Friday, 2 May 2008

Tears For the Palestinian People

How often do we forget about those suffering in the world? until we see a news boradcast of a terrible event happening there, today my duas and tears are for you.
The Palestinian Centre for Human Rights, which produces detailed reports on each incident in the conflict in Gaza, said that the death toll this year was worse so far than the previous three years. It said 312 Palestinians have been killed in Gaza this year, including 197 unarmed civilians of whom 44 were children and another 14 were women. On the Israeli side, at least four civilians and five soldiers have been killed near or in Gaza this week.
Palestinian Flag Big

My dua for my brothers and siters suffering , I unite with you under the flags of Islam, humanity and freedom, I ask Allah to aleviate your suffering and grant you peace, to live a life of freedom that you deserve and once had ameen.

Miyasar Abu Meatak was preparing breakfast for her children in the northern Gaza town of Beit Hanoun when the shell struck, her stepson Ibrahim said. Her children, aged 15 months to 6 years, were killed instantly, and she died shortly afterward in a local hospital, Palestinian officials said, and her two older children were critically wounded.

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Thursday, 1 May 2008

Home Made Pizza

1 kilo flour
1 leveled table spoon yeast (instant)
Salt to taste
1/2 teaspoon sugar
little olive oil
water to form dough

Mix well and kneed and leave to rise

3-4 tomatoes
fresh garlic cloves to taste
salt to taste , lil sugar, black pepper, I sometimes add chilli powder , pinch of cumin but really its to suit your pallet.
1 teaspoon of oregano

Cook all this in a small pan with a lil water and blend with hand blender

Start to roll out the dough and pierce the dough with a fork , spread with a lil sauce , add any toppings you like , i used sliced onions, peppers, Tomatoes, minced beef and chedder cheese yum.Bake in oven , my problem is i can never get a round shape but it sure tastes good, mashaAllah!

here it is cooked


Making The Most Of The Situation

I really wanted to get out and socialize today with the other ex-pat sisters of Algeria. Me and the kids as its a national holiday here today 'May 1st' so its defo a long weekend. The sun is out and its lightly brezzey, perfect picnic by the sea weather as i watch the neighbouring families set off for the day with their pinic boxes..........i wonder wheither they are going to link up with family members first or pass by on thier way out? Algeria is such a lonely place when you have no familiy, noone comes, nowhere to go, for a single mum and no Algerian dh around it can be a very miserable place as I have come to realise life in these Arab Lands is very family orientated, all function with the love and support of families. Well i decided to make it special for me and the kids in some way, so we are having a chill out weekend at home Algerian stylish , kinda!pizza we are going to made homemade pizza,have crisp Photobucket some gazzo (fizzy drinks) hamoud bouleum just taking it easy , couch potato kinda day I think!!! Comfort food to comfort the mood alhamduillah. Not all day mind you as i have a peace project lined up for later, a craft project , learning about Palastine and peace movements.

Prayers for Peace

Prayers for Peace