During my first year i had no internet connection , its a shame really as there was so much more to share emotions wise ! Well there are expierences and feelings i am going through that recall my past and my own upbringging-being alone here alomst 3 years without my dh is hard but we have learned to cope , at first it was empty and extremly lonely , we all felt this void..........my emman dropped pretty quickly......this didn't help matters one bit!!!! It reminded me of my own mother and her plight after the death of my father when i was aged just 5yrs old. hw did she ever cope with us alone in a strange land , no grasp of the native language , 5 young children , no family , only inlaws that was not intrested to offer her the support she needed? suddenly there was similarities and i had an over whelming feeling of respect for my mother, not that i never respected her before but this just made me feel ''my mums a true rock'' , as my situation was not even half as severe as hers. she never gave up on us dispite encouragement from the inlaws o put us in to state care or foster homes. I have the most respect for my mum , sad thing is she may never know! In the first few months of my hijrah i cryed often for about 3 months - they was very dark days , there was 1 week in amoungst then 3 months where i suffered some sort of break down , i could not function , i cry contiously for a week (if that's at all possible) all i remember is not being able to stop the tears flowing , i was in the kitchen cooking , crying, making the beds , crying , answering the phone , crying............i just could not stop it it was like out of my control!!!! I remembered having this emotion when i gave birth to my son in 1999, after i was taken to the ward i couldn't stop crying , i was talking all normally ect but loads of tears gushing down my face , even the nurses said to me whats wrong are you in pain? I said ''NO, i don't know why i keep crying and i can't stop it!'' Eventually i went to see a Dr. who said i had very low blood pressure and i was very weak and perscribed me some royal jelly buables to drink for an instant energy boost.......after a while i was on the mend. So life began to look bleak , i began to think is this what i have let myself in for? is this my futre ? have i left behind so much for this (as shatan is very good at making you think the grass is greener on the otherside)? Again my eman was rock bottom and i was alomst distroyed alhamduilah Allah gave me the strenght again but not with out the enduring testing first.