No regrets

I am someone who try's to go through life with no regrets as I firmly believe if its meant to be then it will be and choices I make/made they may not have been the right ones but at least I tried. I always stood alone in life and stood tall as I learnt from a very young age, it was never coming to me on a silver platter. Maybe I made some serious errors along the way but I have always been content with what I have and if I didn't have it then alhamduilah Allah never destined it for me.

life not so smooth at the momenta

Life at home has been far from a bed of roses but then again when is it ever meant to be smooth non stop? Rather than go into details and tell you all my personal problems, I am going to focus on the emotions. I feel sadness because others are making me sad, I want to cry and cry and realise some of the sadness but the eyes remain dry. I am unsupported and made to feel worthless by the very ones I gave my love too and natured with kindness. I am blamed for their hard times and hardships. I feel like its give me give me give me, who is looking out for me? I hate to be stuck in this rut, surely there is more to life in a family unit, surely there is more to it than pain? Dark times bring dark emotions , I hope things will get better soon inshaAllah.
and this is just a passing phases as close relationships in close space feel strain from time to time too.

more pregnancy news

I had an appointment with my diabetic nurse on Friday, she noted my blood sugars have been a little high for the past week or so and said I may need to go in Insulin drugs for the reminder of the pregnancy (about 10 weeks). I have been trying so hard as well with diet control and I felt I was doing really well but the nurse told me its the pregnancy and not me making them high. They have asked me to call them this morning with the readings snce Friday and if high then most likely drugs. This upset me a little as I don't want to go on drugs but now it looks like its something I can control.

On another note baby is moving much more and I can feel the movements and they can be quite hard sometimes. I have started having nightmare dreams about baby, perhaps its just my anxieties playing out at night. I still have some much baby stuff to buy, I got a crib Friday but still need to decorate my bedroom and with only 10 weeks to go insha Allah and me feeling the weight and aches it is all a bit worrying.

At long last here I am

I am so sorry I have neglect this blog and its readers for so long. Again a combination of factors kept me away for so long. In November it was illness, I was admitted to hospital for 8 days and then had to take things easy, appears I have developed asmatha during pregnancy and it was giving me breathing problems, then 3 chest infections did not help matters but alhamduilah all is well now and I am managing the asthmatic side.

The cold weather this season does not help as it triggers the chest infection. Just as I was discharged and recovering my dd became very ill and i nursed her for weeks with no improvement, she was diagnosed with pneumonia in the left lung and was in bed for 6 weeks, missing her mock exams. Testing times for us all alhamduilah , mashaAllah we are all recovered now. Then my bump has grown and I more tired and can not place a lap top on my lap comfortable and find it hard to sit at the desk top to type a post without getting back pain. While I have been ill university is suffering and trying to keep up with dead lines for essays have kept me busy too.I have started my university module but am feeling the pressure with the pregnancy and its added problems so I seriously thinking about deferring yet again as my health and baby are my priority at present. Also I am not enjoying it as I was once and I did only choose to return to studies as I had the time and energy to give but Allah has other plans for me.

So what happened in those months? Ed Ul Adha came and went, we didn't make a fuss due to illness but it was nice anyhow I could not manage any cakes or special dinner so we had a Eid day brunch and the children wanted Indian food.


A dear friend came to stay with us for about 1 week and she took care of me while my dh traveled to visit his family in Algeria.





It snowed subhanallah it sure snowed and lasted weeks cold cold snow, it was pretty when fresh, my children build their first snow person. I had my baby scan and decided to go against our family norm of not knowing the sex of the baby until birth, we asked this time and its a girl we have been told. I was expecting a boy for some reason but I am not disappointed as any child is welcomed into our family and health of mother and baby out weight the sex. Now we have been having name wars at home, I gave naming the baby responsibility to my dh and children and guess what they can't agree. I am trying not to get involved as the idea was so I would have to be stressed about it but its turning out to be more stressful this way. I have been favoring Facebook during this time but now I feel I have become a little addicted over there and need to ween myself away back here I think.
I have started my university module but am feeling the pressure with the pregnancy and its added problems so I seriously thinking about deferring yet again as my health and baby are my priority at present. Also I am not enjoying it as I was once and I did only choose to return to studies as I had the time and energy to give but Allah has other plans for me.
I have not been crafting at all almost just the odd quick project here and there but nothing major, I have not even made anything for baby. This was made for me, a vintage granny square blanket for baby.

Me and DD9 did a little decoupage , an apple

We made some felt cats, one evening before I knew it everyone wanted one.