Saturday, 7 February 2009

Thinking out loud

Alahmduilah this week has come and gone, what with all the snowy carry on and reclaiming the pavements after the icy melt down. Only to be told its on its way back but they have been saying that since Wednesday evening so i am not holding my breath or woollies rather looool sorry one of those personal jokes that no one else will get iam sure, i often am left laughing at my own jokes and not others, is that a joke in itself?I have joined the raverly forum about crochet and hope to get down to some serious crocheting. I am having trouble getting nice yarn with good selection of colours anyone know anywhere online? I have good lots of ideas buzzing about in my head but not able to get them out via the yarn and hook. I want to get cracking on a stunning project but just can't get past the first line of the patterns some days.

I have been feeling out of sorts with myself , i can't get a grip on it, some sort of pre mid life crisis? I need direction or new direction, i just can't put my finger on it. It's getting to me that's for sure.

I was on the bus the other day yesterday to be exact, i was sat on the top deck as it was rammed full downstairs. The lady i was sat next to got of and a load of new passengers got on. As they came up looking for seats and now the seat next to me had become vacant. I looked up to see a man and it looked like he was excited about finding an empty seat and was headed towards me but when we looked at each other at the same time his look changed, maybe as mine did to as i recognised him as my cousin, yes my first cousin who i grew up with and was there throughout my childhood, the memories just came flooding back. He didn't take the seat and stood rather than sit there next to me. I felt relief and anger at the same time. Anger why? It brought back all the memories of my aunts and uncles cousins and family that i no longer have for 15yrs now, the disowning by them of me. Life does get lonely with out family and this is often a low point for me , especially when my kids have no cousins, or aunts to visit. Anyhow I thank Allah for all the blessings he has replace them with and i move on but we need families don't we? Relief as i didn't have to worry about him talking to me or saying something, funny is it not? how i can't make up my mind?

4 comments:

Barbara Bradford said...

My heart hurts, when I read your thoughts. I must go back to your first post to perhaps see what journey you have under-taken. I hope you find a new direction, one that is joy-filled with wonderful recipes, stunning crochet projects, and true friends....

Take care of yourself

Barbara

Umm Hibaat said...

Assalaamu Alaykum,

It must be lonely without family but you know what, you can't pick your familybut you can pick your friends. So look at this way, if family has disowned, you're better off without them. Atleast you can pick your wonderful friends and they will be family for you!

From one of your sisters
xxx

Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

Aslamu alakum ukti
i understand where you are coming frm but in my expierence i have seen that friends can be wonderful too but often won't put you before thier own families, so can i really feel i belong there? Not saying i don't care for them but often i have felt this on Eids and other specail events when all you want to do is be with familiy or AT LEAST LOVED ONES. I see them leaving me out in favour for their own extented familes at this time. So am i really family or is it a lip service as it often is? Who is looking out for me? who is wondering what i am doing or Eid , will i be alone?

Not compalianing sister as this is all i have and for me it's better than nout, so i have to deal with it but this is often the case in reality sadly.
sorry got interuped by the door bell .

Rainbow In The Grey Sky said...

Hiya Barbara
no blogging came into my life 2yrs ago really so a lot is not there.
Just sharring life's reality with my readers and its a kinda off load for me too.

Thank you again for your kindness.

Prayers for Peace

Prayers for Peace